Hello Golden Beauties,
Anyone who truly knows me knows I am very private with my dating and relationship situations. I try not to talk openly on the topic because I am no expert on dating. I can only speak for my past relationships. But I managed to maintain a couple of relationships over the past decade, so I do have minor experience dealing with men as companions. I am grateful to have experienced good and bad situations that has set the bar going forward for all my future relationship encounters.
Here is what I learned about dating/relationships in 2016:
Dating with the mindset of finding someone to fulfill all your needs is selfish and leading down a road of a failed relationship.
Posted all over social media you find superficial materialistic criteria people place on the opposite sex. One has to “buy me nice stuff, spoil me, take me here, eat out there, and wear this, look like that”; the list is never ending. If you cannot do for yourself what you expect your significant other to do, then have several seats. It is childish and selfish to expect all these favors from an individual and you bring nothing to the table and cannot provide any of these materials for yourself.
I am guilty of previously having this mindset, but I realized that a good relationship would not prosper on trivial things. You can have all the things in the world handed to you in a relationship and still be miserable if the person is not the one for you. So providing material wants should not be a deal-breaker when dating.
I truly believe humans were made to giving and provide for other expecting nothing in return as an act of true love. Do a like check and ask yourself, “What can I give and offer to a person?”
Live with the standards you expect from your significant other?
Men and women are equally guilty with this one. We envision the perfect soul mate to be faithful, loving, kind, a provider, funny, attractive, skinny, built, a family-person etc. but are you all those things? When was the last time you been to the gym or spent time with your family? Did you cheat in your last relationship? Do you put any effort into your appearance? Is good hygiene your top priority? Do you have a 6-figure income driving around in a BMW? Do you have set goals you are currently working on? Would you date yourself if you had a chance?
Self-reflection is very important before you decide to be hypocritical of the opposite sex.
Learn to Love yourself.
Top worse things you can do are jump in to a relationship or begin dating someone because you need to feel good about yourself. I must say I am also guilty. I would entertain men I knew were no good for me because I valued their opinion of me and had no respect or love for myself.
It is okay to realize the emptiness you feel because you are not content within yourself. That is a sign of low esteem and unclear value of your true worth. Realization is the first step of self-love. Every person on this planet is here for a reason, which gives you value. You are valuable.
Once I implanted that into my brain, it became easier to weed out the bad ones and focus on preparing myself for the right one.
I focused on being the best me that I learn to unconditionally love.
Settling is a lack of patience, perseverance and faith. There are billions of humans on this planet so finding someone should be the least of your worries. Women, we are blessed with the gift of intuition. If you have a gut feeling to walk away, RUN away. Do not get stuck with a person you know you cannot see yourself spending the rest of your life with because you scared of being alone.
There are other types of relationships you can involve yourself in if you want to have companionship. Friends, family, coworkers, the Church, neighbors and even random people you meet are all relationships. Work on those relationships until the right one comes along.
*Turns of my soapbox*
(July Hair update)
It is hard to put in perspective we are half way through the year, Summer-time Chi is in full swing and I am embarking towards a fresh new chapter in my the life as a quarter-century young. 16 months into my natural hair journey and I am chugging along; trying to stay hopefully my hair has not reached its max length of growth. I have come to terms my hair does not grow at the speedy rate of the Ytubers and Insta natural hair guru’s manes grow, and I am content.
The Lord never gives you what you cannot handle, and He must have known I was having contemplating thoughts of buzz cutting my hair or doing a big chop #2. A few weeks ago I was reminiscing and awing over the progressive my hair’s growth made over the past year, and plotting when I next meet up the scissors and I would have soon. Every natural hair sister has thought about reliving the exhilarating nerve-racking big chop, and only a select few goes through with it this decision. It’s just a mind-boggle for me.
As I mentioned in the previous post, my plan for the next couple of months is to rock box braids. I am in LOVE with my box braids and the versatility of styles I can wear with them. No braid-washing routine established yet, but I think I will continue with the water-only wash method I did in June.
Question: What are some deal-breakers for you when it comes to dating and relationships?